Leg Watching --- ahem Bird Watching

A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology. So he joined in and after one week of study, a test was held. The professor passed out a sheet of small paper where in each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird's legs. No bodies, no feet, just legs.

The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs. Our student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute. Finally he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test on the teacher's desk. "This is the worst test I have ever written."

The teacher looked up and said: "Young man, you have not filled in anything and you definitely have failed the test. Tell me, what's your name?"

The student pulled up his pant to the knee showing his legs and said, "You tell me..."

Why geeks like computers

unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep............

If you did not understand, you neeed to be a Geek

G

Bugging Telemarketers - How to make sure they never call you !!

These are 5 affective steps that have worked for me, try, maybe they work for you as well

1. Keep a note of the numbers of all telemarketing companies calling you. When you get a call from someone, ask them to call you at your office number, and pass on the numbers from your stored list.

2. Pester the Woman to Marry you, and if it's a guy, and you are a guy, tell him you are gay, and you'd love to meet em.

3. If they are offering you a life insurance, tell them that you are dying of A.I.D.S and will want a cover of 10 Crores

4. If they are offering you a Free Credit Card, tell them that you only want the ones you have to pay for, you don't take free things from strangers

5. If the call is about your car insurance, tell them that you just had your car stolen, and want them to insure it because you forgot to renew your last insurance.

Trust me, they will not call you BACK.

G

Some Sardar Jokes - Again

Remember I told you, how you could replace a blonde with a Sardar, and the joke remained the same, well here are some new funny ones.

----
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.
And finds It means "U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!"
----
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For Best Results put on Two Coats"
----
Santa Singh MBBS
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.
He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.
Finally he said, I have some good news, the batteries and the Torch are OK

Microsoft Helps Taj Mahal to Move from Agra to Pune

No jokes, they can do anything, they even managed to launch Windows Vista at the Taj, and now supreme court wants to know why :)

Popoye's Mom

Remember the Sienfeld Episode, where George has a doll that looks like his mom, well this lady.. just reminded me of Popoye.

Girl Friends Rule

I have been working on some radical, funny, new t-shirt quotes, but this one, really took me by surprise..

Brilliant New Business Opportunity

They said, India was taking away jobs, making American's jobless, well this latest video from the Onion News Network talks about it all, watch out Mr. Friedman, you don't have this example in your book.


Report: Many U.S. Parents Outsourcing Child Care Overseas

The Internet has Crashed - Seriouslly

I don't know if this will ever happen, but right now, I just could not figure out, how this guy kept a straight face through the video.. watch it.. you have never seen anything like this before.

G

6 One Minute Business Lessons

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel,"
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

The Case of the Missing Sardar

Two Sardars on a road, one is busy digging holes, and the other following him is filling them in. This happens all day round, and the Sardars make sure that the whole road is dug up and filled. A man standing in awe of the hard work finally approaches them, and asks, well what you are doing looks all fine, and you are putting in a lot of hard work, but I don't see no sense in it.

The guys reply, we really can't do much, the third sardar who plants the trees took a holiday today.

G

PS: (If I am hurting your emotions, please feel free to replace Sardar with Blonde)