Be Positive - THE REASON YOU DID NOT GET INTO IIM AHMEDABAD

A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st
Grade class. Madam asked,'Boy. What is your problem?'

Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
4th Grade!'

Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While
the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal
what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy
a test and if he failed to answer any of his
Questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.



Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.


Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'.


And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade
should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy
can go to the 4th grade.'

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.


Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?

Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'



Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

Boy.: 'Pockets.'



Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
Delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut


Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum


Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a
dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..

Boy.: Shake hands



Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I
get wet before you do.

Boy.: Tent



Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The
best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large
Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy.: Wedding Ring


Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow
me, you feel good.

Boy.: Nose



Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy.: Arrow


Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of
heat and excitement?

Boy.: Fire truck



Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get
it, u have to use ur hand.

Boy.: Fork



Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men
than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his
wife after they're married?

Boy.: SURNAME.


Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of
veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.



The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to
IIM AHMEDABAD (Indian Institute Of Management)
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'

Who Says Men Can't Multi Task

--
I do not claim ownership on the content or the Copyright of this Video. This came to me in an email forwarded by a few people, and I thought it would be nice to share this with every one here.

Sexual Myths

A man boards a Jet Airways flight from Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a gorgeous woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat.

Lo and behold, she takes the seat right next to his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks "Business trip or vacation?" She turns, smiles, and says, "Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists Convention."

He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist! Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he says, swallowing hard. "What m-m-m-myths are those?"

"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African men are the best endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, whereas actually it is the Bengali. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardar."
Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. "I'm sorry,"she says,

"I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!"

"*Venkatraman!" the man blurts out. "Venkatraman Mukherjee! But all my friends call me Joginder Singh!"

And then the Fight Started

When I got home last night, my wife
demanded that I take her someplace expensive... .
So, I took her to a gas station.....

And then the fight started....

****

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be
A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time,
simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
friend."

And then the fight started....

********

After retiring, I went to the Social
Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but
I would have to go home and come back later
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly
silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest
is proof enough for me'
And she processed my Social Security
application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife
about my experience at the Social Security office
She said, 'You should have dropped your
pants. You might have gotten Disability, too'

And then the fight started.....

****

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly
dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the
garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled
back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is
terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can
you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And that's how the fight started ...

****

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my
high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her
drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I
understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many &
years
ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....

****

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter,
for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak,
medium
rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And then the fight started.....

****
A woman is standing nude, looking in the
bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and
says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn
near perfect.'

And then the fight started....

--
Thanks MC

WHAT IS MARRIAGE???

1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still stay together.
19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.
22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway
lighs on.
26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

Have a Brilliant Idea, Get some Funding

This woman, found out, that she has consistent result if she stabs the monkeys in her lab, anywhere from 7 to 9 times.. watch the video, if you are an animal lover, beware.


Study: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

What if these Glasses were made mandatory in India ?

So, what do you think if these glasses were made mandatory in India, where would you look ?

G

Can you do this in India ? I don't think So

Women lost with directions, even though they had a map, but the map, was just in the wrong place.. Check out the video.

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Telling the time by looking at a Blondes' legs

Another one, though here again, you will find it difficult to replace my blonde friend with a sardar, but sure.. let's go ahead..

In the Morning

!!

By the afternoon, she is day dreaming
!(

In the evening, after a great romp
()

Bed time, too much to drink, too much fun

)(

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Kar Di na Saradaron wali Baat !

Well this is not a joke, where you will be able to replace a blonde with a sardar so easily, but try, it will give you another laugh, so where is the joke..

Golu & Bholu are two good friends who travel to office by bus each day, one day Golu meets Bholu on a bus stop riding a bike, and out of amazement, bholu asks Golu on how he bought the bike, the following is the excerpt of their conversation

Golu: Oye Bholu, meri nayi bike dekhi ?
Bholu: Are Golu paaji, kithon le kar aye, kinne paise kharche
Golu: Paaji, free hai, lottery lagi hai !
Bholu: Na na, such dus, nayi taan mere leyi wi leni payegi ik
Golu: Oh yaar, main raat nu late ho gaya si, aande wele main lift mangi bike wale bande ton, thodi der wich mainu pata lagya, oh kudi hai, oh mainu jungle lay gayi, oothe jakar unhe kapde laye, te kehndi hai, jo lena hai le la golu. Main bike fadi, te ley aayan.
Bholu: Oh changa kita, kudiya de kapde sade kis kam aane si, hun office jana te asaan ho gaya na.

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The Good Bad and The Ugly

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It’s triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago
--
Good: Your son is finally maturing
Bad: He’s involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you
--
Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: She’s a hooker
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do

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Why are Women more Intelligent than Men ?

A few days, back when the radio channel Meow, a women's only radio channel went online, the RJ Ginni I think was talking about how men think they are more intelligent while women are more intelligent, now this my dear has been a matter of discussion / debate for ages, but I think I finally figured out, that women are more intelligent.. Why you ask me, well they are the only one's with two memory (read mamary) glands.. Men have them missing :)

Now imagine.. two slots, of memories.. ha ha

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