Monkeys Have Grandfathers Too

A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under
one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side.
A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were
gone. He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys
and they had taken all his hats. The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he
can get the hats down.

While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment,the
monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat,
the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to him, he took
his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he
finally managed to get all his hats back.
Fifty years later, his grandson, also became a hat-seller and had
heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day,
just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very
hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the
floor.

He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on
the tree. He remembered his grand father's words,
started scratching his head and the monkeys followed. He took down his
hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now,
very convinced of his grandfather's idea, threw his hat on the floor
but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all
the hats. Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on
the floor, gave him a slap and said
.......................
Guess What????????

................................................
"You think only you have a grandfather?"

Sexual Myths

A man boards a Jet Airways flight from Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a gorgeous woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat.

Lo and behold, she takes the seat right next to his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks "Business trip or vacation?" She turns, smiles, and says, "Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists Convention."

He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist! Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he says, swallowing hard. "What m-m-m-myths are those?"

"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African men are the best endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, whereas actually it is the Bengali. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardar."
Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. "I'm sorry,"she says,

"I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!"

"*Venkatraman!" the man blurts out. "Venkatraman Mukherjee! But all my friends call me Joginder Singh!"

Emerging 'isms' of the new economy

INFOSYSism
You have a 1000 poor cows. You put them on a nice campus, & send them one at a time to the US for milking.

PATNIism
You have 10 cows. You make them work so that they give milk of 100 cows

WIPROism
GE has a cow. You take 49% of the milk.

DELLism
Intel has a Goat. Samsung has a Camel. Buy milk from both & sell it as Cow's milk.

IBMism
You have old stubborn cows. You sell them as pet dogs to innocent small businessmen.

MICROSOFTism
You have a cow. Force the world to buy milk from you. Spend a million dollars to feed poorer cows.

SUNism
You have a bull. It doesn't give milk. You hate Microsoft.

ORACLEism
You have a cow. You don't know which side to milk, so you sell tools to help milk cows.

SAPism
You don't have a cow You sell milking solutions for cows implemented by milking consultants.

APPLEism
You have a cow. You sell iMilk.

SONYism
You have a cow. You spend $50 mn to develop the world's thinnest milk..

CITIBANKism
Welcome to Citibank. If you have a cow, press 1. If you have a bull, press 2...stay on line if you'd like our customer care to milk it for you.

HPism
You don't know if what you have is a cow. You sell complete milking solutions through authorised resellers only.

GEism
You have a donkey. People think you have a 100-year old cow. If someone finds out, that's his imagination at work.

RELIANCEism
You don't yet have a cow. You sell empty cans to people for Rs. 501, because Dhirubhai wanted everyone to have milk.

TATAism
You have a very old cow. You re-brand it as TATA Indicow.

Getting Fired ?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed?

Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, software engineers will be detested, and even musical composers will eventually decompose.

Your Thoughts ?

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Affective January 1, 2009

The national Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed. Correct installation is illustrated below.......

Please
Pass on to family and friends.

THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!

And then the Fight Started

When I got home last night, my wife
demanded that I take her someplace expensive... .
So, I took her to a gas station.....

And then the fight started....

****

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be
A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time,
simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
friend."

And then the fight started....

********

After retiring, I went to the Social
Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but
I would have to go home and come back later
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly
silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest
is proof enough for me'
And she processed my Social Security
application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife
about my experience at the Social Security office
She said, 'You should have dropped your
pants. You might have gotten Disability, too'

And then the fight started.....

****

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly
dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the
garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled
back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is
terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can
you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And that's how the fight started ...

****

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my
high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her
drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I
understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many &
years
ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....

****

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter,
for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak,
medium
rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And then the fight started.....

****
A woman is standing nude, looking in the
bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and
says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn
near perfect.'

And then the fight started....

--
Thanks MC

Job Oriented Education

'Students First In Line' Program To Offer Job Training At Needy Schools