When I got home last night, my wife
demanded that I take her someplace expensive... .
So, I took her to a gas station.....
And then the fight started....
****
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be
A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time,
simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a
friend."
And then the fight started....
********
After retiring, I went to the Social
Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but
I would have to go home and come back later
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly
silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest
is proof enough for me'
And she processed my Social Security
application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife
about my experience at the Social Security office
She said, 'You should have dropped your
pants. You might have gotten Disability, too'
And then the fight started.....
****
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly
dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the
garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled
back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is
terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can
you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And that's how the fight started ...
****
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my
high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her
drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I
understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many &
years
ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.....
****
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter,
for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak,
medium
rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And then the fight started.....
****
A woman is standing nude, looking in the
bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and
says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn
near perfect.'
And then the fight started....
--
Thanks MC
